The Eensy WeensyItsy Bitsy Potter
by Malady7
Summary: This is a parody on the lovely little nursery rhyme. If you don't know it, you need to go and relive your childhood! The only reason it's rated PG is cos I say the D-word (Ooooh!) and he fall on sharp rocks. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the Spider song, or the words "Eensy" and "Weensy". Or is it "Itsy Bitsy"? I don't know. I guess I'll have them take turns. Anyway, some really rich people own them. I am neither rich nor people, so I could not own it in the first place.  
  
The Eensy Weensy Potter  
  
This parody is dedicated to all to song parody people who insert lines of their favorite songs randomly throughout the fic! I love them all!  
  
/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?Yay borders are fun?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?///?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?  
  
(The itsy bitsy Potter)  
  
One day Harry was playing soccer with his friends, Austin Powers and Michelangelo. They were having a hell of a time making egg rolls (I mean playing soccer, my mind is elsewhere today) when that fool Potter kicked the ball up onto the roof of the Castle.  
  
"Oh gosh-darnit and dag-nabit!" he exclaimed, "Now we don't have a form of entertainment to divert our minds from the fact that we have no lives!"  
  
"Well, you didn't have to remind us so cruelly and sharply!" cried Michelangelo, looking hurt.  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!" said..Well I think you can guess. (By the way, you will find that Austin Powers says no more than this, as I am terrified of people going out of character. *crawls into corner and hides face* Please, please don't let them go out of character!")  
  
"I suppose I shall have to go and fetch it, just like the golden retriever that I am." says the golden retriever that is standing in Harry's place.  
  
Harry runs up to a handy drainpipe that happens to be right next to him, and begins to climb up.  
  
(Climbed up the waterspout)  
  
Now, you ask me, how could any normal person - such as Harry - climb up a drainpipe? I mean, there are no handholds or anything!  
  
The answer to that is. Harry is not a normal person.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+  
  
"I bet you five galleon-type-thingys that Harry will fall to his doom, inevitably landing on those sharp rocks that seem to have appeared right underneath him!" Michelangelo said.  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!"  
  
Suddenly dark storm clouds started gathering. For all of you people out there who were expecting something a little more original I am sorry for letting you down.  
  
A drop of rain landed on Harry's nose, and began to trickle down his face.  
  
(Down came the rain)  
  
Harry brushed it off impatiently. Suddenly he heard Michelangelo (for Austin Powers says nothing) yell up at him, "Harry, I think there is something amiss here! First you have to climb up a drain pipe, or WATERSPOUT, and then it starts raining? And also that random voice that keeps singing the fabled nursery rhyme "The Eensy Weensy Spider" is just a tad bit off, Don't ya thinkl? I fear you are going to be washed out by the rain any minute now!"  
  
"Pfffft, its only rain, what harm can it do?" Harry scoffed scoffingly. Then he coughed coughingly. Then he troughed troughingly. Then he.... Oh never mind.  
  
Suddenly a huge tidal wave came from nowhere (but possibly the ocean) and somehow managed to only land on Harry and no one else. (Alright I'm sorry, but what would you do? Or better yet, What Would Jesus Do?)  
  
(And washed the spider out)  
  
Harry fell thousands of centimeters and landed, butt first, on some lucky little sharp rock.  
  
Now the author shall go into AIM dialogue because that is easier for her, no matter how inconsistent it may seem to others.  
  
Lucky Sharp Rock: Yay! My lifelong dream has come true!  
  
Not-so-Lucky Sharp Rock: Awww damn, I wanted him to land on me! I was all ready and everything! I wanted to be just like those Sharp Rocks in the Pictures!  
  
Other Sharp Rocks: Yeah, that's not fair, grumble, mumble, bumble, fumble....  
  
One Sharp, Sharp rock: Get him!  
  
Others: FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!! (If you're wondering what kind of demented battle-cry that was, don't ask me because *points at bellybutton* HE made me do it!)  
  
OK, now that the author has beaten this sharp rocks thing like a dead horse, (or whatever the phrase is) we move on with what little story there is.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" cried Neville, as he fell out of a tree. "HAAAAARRY!"  
  
He ran over to Harry's mangled and mutilated body and performed a spell on him. Suddenly he came back to life as good as new. "Wow, the power of magic sure can work wonders, just like Windex Glass and Surface cleaner!" cried Harry happily.  
  
"Fringle," Harry said decidedly.  
  
"I'm afraid he's never really going to be the same again." Said Dumbledore happily. Then he died. A great cheer rose up from the grandstands, then died away.  
  
Then Harry began to climb up the waterspout again. "Uuuh," Michelangelo began, "I think this might be one of those paradox dealies where everything happens over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over with the help of the authors copy and paste buttons!" (A/N: hee hee hee)  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!"  
  
"Oh, it most certainly is." Said (hmmm, who haven't I killed off... Ahh yes) Hermione. "But there's sod all we can do about it. (For all my American redneck friends out there, "sod all" means nothing)  
  
"OH WELL" cried everyone in the world in unison.  
  
Oh damn, I forgot to do the up came the sun bit.  
  
The sun came up and everything dried out.  
  
(Up came the sun and dried up all the rain)  
  
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH  
  
(And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again, and again and again and again...)  
  
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM  
  
A/N: Thank you all for joining me as I excavated the ruins of the Aztec Empire. Huh? Oh sorry.  
Thank you for reading my lovely little parody. I hope it has opened your eyes to the plight of the Nairobian Bush-Pygmies. What? Damnit! Sorry!  
  
AS I WAS TRYING TO SAY; Please review and I hope you enjoyed. Do you think I should use my little pet copy and paste buttons to do the whole thing over again in the next chapter and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next forever and ever Amen? If you don't review, I'LL DO IT, I SWEAR, I WILL!!!!!!! Lovely. 


	2. THIS ONE IS MUCH BETTER HOPEFULLY

Ok people, the last chapter was screwed up so here it is HOPEFULLY MUCH BETTER!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the Spider song, or the words "Eensy" and "Weensy". Or is it "Itsy Bitsy"? I don't know. I guess I'll have them take turns. Anyway, some really rich people own them. I am neither rich nor people, so I could not own it in the first place.  
  
The Eensy Weensy Potter  
  
This parody is dedicated to all to song parody people who insert lines of their favorite songs randomly throughout the fic! I love them all!  
  
/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?Yay borders are fun?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?///?/?/?/?/?/?/?/?  
  
(The itsy bitsy Potter)  
  
One day Harry was playing soccer with his friends, Austin Powers and Michelangelo. They were having a hell of a time making egg rolls (I mean playing soccer, my mind is elsewhere today) when that fool Potter kicked the ball up onto the roof of the Castle.  
  
"Oh gosh-darnit and dag-nabit!" he exclaimed, "Now we don't have a form of entertainment to divert our minds from the fact that we have no lives!"  
  
"Well, you didn't have to remind us so cruelly and sharply!" cried Michelangelo, looking hurt.  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!" said..Well I think you can guess. (By the way, you will find that Austin Powers says no more than this, as I am terrified of people going out of character. *crawls into corner and hides face* Please, please don't let them go out of character!")  
  
"I suppose I shall have to go and fetch it, just like the golden retriever that I am." says the golden retriever that is standing in Harry's place.  
  
Harry runs up to a handy drainpipe that happens to be right next to him, and begins to climb up.  
  
(Climbed up the waterspout)  
  
Now, you ask me, how could any normal person - such as Harry - climb up a drainpipe? I mean, there are no handholds or anything!  
  
The answer to that is. Harry is not a normal person.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+  
  
"I bet you five galleon-type-thingys that Harry will fall to his doom, inevitably landing on those sharp rocks that seem to have appeared right underneath him!" Michelangelo said.  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!"  
  
Suddenly dark storm clouds started gathering. For all of you people out there who were expecting something a little more original I am sorry for letting you down.  
  
A drop of rain landed on Harry's nose, and began to trickle down his face.  
  
(Down came the rain)  
  
Harry brushed it off impatiently. Suddenly he heard Michelangelo (for Austin Powers says nothing) yell up at him, "Harry, I think there is something amiss here! First you have to climb up a drain pipe, or WATERSPOUT, and then it starts raining? And also that random voice that keeps singing the fabled nursery rhyme "The Eensy Weensy Spider" is just a tad bit off, Don't ya thinkl? I fear you are going to be washed out by the rain any minute now!"  
  
"Pfffft, its only rain, what harm can it do?" Harry scoffed scoffingly. Then he coughed coughingly. Then he troughed troughingly. Then he.... Oh never mind.  
  
Suddenly a huge tidal wave came from nowhere (but possibly the ocean) and somehow managed to only land on Harry and no one else. (Alright I'm sorry, but what would you do? Or better yet, What Would Jesus Do?)  
  
(And washed the spider out)  
  
Harry fell thousands of centimeters and landed, butt first, on some lucky little sharp rock.  
  
Now the author shall go into AIM dialogue because that is easier for her, no matter how inconsistent it may seem to others.  
  
Lucky Sharp Rock: Yay! My lifelong dream has come true!  
  
Not-so-Lucky Sharp Rock: Awww damn, I wanted him to land on me! I was all ready and everything! I wanted to be just like those Sharp Rocks in the Pictures!  
  
Other Sharp Rocks: Yeah, that's not fair, grumble, mumble, bumble, fumble....  
  
One Sharp, Sharp rock: Get him!  
  
Others: FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRR!!!! (If you're wondering what kind of demented battle-cry that was, don't ask me because *points at bellybutton* HE made me do it!)  
  
OK, now that the author has beaten this sharp rocks thing like a dead horse, (or whatever the phrase is) we move on with what little story there is.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" cried Neville, as he fell out of a tree. "HAAAAARRY!"  
  
He ran over to Harry's mangled and mutilated body and performed a spell on him. Suddenly he came back to life as good as new. "Wow, the power of magic sure can work wonders, just like Windex Glass and Surface cleaner!" cried Harry happily.  
  
"Fringle," Harry said decidedly.  
  
"I'm afraid he's never really going to be the same again." Said Dumbledore happily. Then he died. A great cheer rose up from the grandstands, then died away.  
  
Then Harry began to climb up the waterspout again. "Uuuh," Michelangelo began, "I think this might be one of those paradox dealies where everything happens over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over with the help of the authors copy and paste buttons!" (A/N: hee hee hee)  
  
"Yeah Baby, Yeah!"  
  
"Oh, it most certainly is." Said (hmmm, who haven't I killed off... Ahh yes) Hermione. "But there's sod all we can do about it. (For all my American redneck friends out there, "sod all" means nothing)  
  
"OH WELL" cried everyone in the world in unison.  
  
Oh damn, I forgot to do the up came the sun bit.  
  
The sun came up and everything dried out.  
  
(Up came the sun and dried up all the rain)  
  
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH  
  
(And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again, and again and again and again...)  
  
QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM  
  
A/N: Thank you all for joining me as I excavated the ruins of the Aztec Empire. Huh? Oh sorry.  
Thank you for reading my lovely little parody. I hope it has opened your eyes to the plight of the Nairobian Bush-Pygmies. What? Damnit! Sorry!  
  
AS I WAS TRYING TO SAY; Please review and I hope you enjoyed. Do you think I should use my little pet copy and paste buttons to do the whole thing over again in the next chapter and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next forever and ever Amen? If you don't review, I'LL DO IT, I SWEAR, I WILL!!!!!!! Lovely. 


End file.
